Sunday, October 24, 2010
When I think back to when we first met... things were so simple. There was you & there was me. The world & those people didn't matter. The connection that we had was everything. Then, something happened.
It was lost.
Now, we're here... you there & I'm here. Lost. Confused. Hurt. Angry.
I'm sitting here trying to think... where the FUCK did it all go south?!
I tried to forget...but I think about it every day & it still turns my insides outwards. Still pains me, it's like salt on an open wound. I've tried to let the wound heal...but it just WONT.
Every time this subject comes up, it's a different story.
How you were "played" ... you didn't know what you were doing. When you first told me... you said, you knew EXACTLY what you were doing. But, then you told me a lie too.
Having issues keeping up on your lies? So many that you've told me that you just can't seem to keep up?
My question is you knew what you were doing to not let one thing happen...but you didn't know what you were doing to let another happen?
I'm scared because I'm starting to push you away & just not give a fuck anymore. My dreams don't have you in them, they are of just me & my son; fighting the world just the 2of us.
The 'jokes' lately... I'm starting to wonder if they're God's answers to my prayers. If they are...then I've failed.
I'm torn the fuck up inside about this. I never thought in a million years that it would be like this.
I feel like no matter what I'm getting a double edged sword.
No matter what I say, or do I'm wrong. Seems the only thing I can seem to get right is being a great Mom. But, I guess since his priorities overcome ours; that's not so much of an insult.
I'm trying. I hope you begin to. I don't want this to end with the big D.
It was lost.
Now, we're here... you there & I'm here. Lost. Confused. Hurt. Angry.
I'm sitting here trying to think... where the FUCK did it all go south?!
I tried to forget...but I think about it every day & it still turns my insides outwards. Still pains me, it's like salt on an open wound. I've tried to let the wound heal...but it just WONT.
Every time this subject comes up, it's a different story.
How you were "played" ... you didn't know what you were doing. When you first told me... you said, you knew EXACTLY what you were doing. But, then you told me a lie too.
Having issues keeping up on your lies? So many that you've told me that you just can't seem to keep up?
My question is you knew what you were doing to not let one thing happen...but you didn't know what you were doing to let another happen?
I'm scared because I'm starting to push you away & just not give a fuck anymore. My dreams don't have you in them, they are of just me & my son; fighting the world just the 2of us.
The 'jokes' lately... I'm starting to wonder if they're God's answers to my prayers. If they are...then I've failed.
I'm torn the fuck up inside about this. I never thought in a million years that it would be like this.
I feel like no matter what I'm getting a double edged sword.
No matter what I say, or do I'm wrong. Seems the only thing I can seem to get right is being a great Mom. But, I guess since his priorities overcome ours; that's not so much of an insult.
I'm trying. I hope you begin to. I don't want this to end with the big D.
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